JUNK ROCK RECORDS/BALOMAI BROTHERS PRESS RELEASE PAGE ONE OF TWO
The Balomai Brothers CLEVELAND DUO’S HOTLY ANTICIPATED SOPHOMORE LP:
“You Don’t Have to Like Us — You Can Just
Suck Our Dicks”: A Ghoul Skit, OR:
Hungarian-American Idiot: A Junk Rock Opera
Release date: January 2006, Junk Rock Records
Official website, with downloadable hi-res art:
www.BalomaiBrothers.com
ALL INQUIRIES: Junkrockrecords@aol.com, 216-407-9973
All vocals, guitar, script, programming: Additional Ghoul Skit dialogue:
Szars Painis The Spike LeMay Puppet
A Famous Country-Western Star
Congratulations. Thank you for opening the package containing the Balomai Brothers’ (technically)
second release, “You Don’t Have to Like Us — You Can Just Suck Our Dicks”: A Ghoul Skit, or:
Hungarian-American Idiot: A Junk Rock Opera. The Cleveland duo’s sophomore album is a fine
piece of cinematic long-playing audio music and drama in the tradition of the MacKenzie Broth-ers’
Strange Brew and Frank Zappa’s Joe’s Garage. In between rock songs so warped that they have
some coincidentally jazzy qualities, the disc tells the story of two bickering nine-to-five buffoons as
they desperately try to extract themselves from a blue-collar bucket of utter anonymity, plotting their
big move from the machine shop to the bright stage lights of a big-city rock club. Hey, at least it’s
about something.
For what it’s worth, I tried to talk them out of it. “You’ve been making records for 25 years, and
you’ve sold seven albums,” I said to Szars Painis (pronounced “Shars PAIN-iss”), the mastermind
behind this album and 2003’s Millions of Women Can’t Be Wrong!, or: You’ve Made Your Bed,
Now Go %$#@ Yourself In It!!. “Cover ‘Sonic Reducer.’ At least it’s a hometown anthem that
people might recognize. You deserve to. People out on the streets don’t know who you are. They just
pass you by. I’ve seen it. You’re an underdog. Or whatever’s worse.”
“We don’t see ourselves as Sonic Reducers,” said Szars. “The album is about how rock and roll
people are a bunch of assholes who only care about hanging out with people who think they’re cool.”
So Szars savagely satirizes the nü garage rock movement (as heard in the work of Jet, the White
Stripes, and a legion of less successful shmucks who raid their sister’s closet before dressing for a
gig) in “And Every Single Song Is Going to Go Like This” (track #10). And while that’s as funny
as it is true, he follows it with weird-ass covers of Madonna and U2. There’s no arguing with the
guy, who proudly identifies himself as “The King of the Dead-Horse Beaters.” The disc -- well, the
parts of it that aren’t trumped-up ballyhoo -- has some snippets from his ill-fated forays into the dark
waters of the world of Clevo’s rock and roll clubs. Taken a listen, and you’ll hear some Jerky
Boys-style calls to some Cleveland rock clubs of note, as well as unreturned calls to local enter-tainment
journalists -- all of whom, like most of the characters you’ll meet on this CD, are at best
indifferent to the Balomai Brothers’ twisted anti-pop. One of them, to be fair, did take note of the
Brothers’ last disc, saying that they display “hints of real pop genius.” And it’s hard to argue with
that, too.
If you have to pick one song to listen to, I’d recommend track #14, “She’s A Natural.”
It’s an alt-rocker with a giant hook. Szars swears he didn’t steal it from Urge Overkill. And though
he’s a prick at times, he’s not a liar. “Why don’t you write more like those?” I asked, “instead of
filling half the 78 minutes with silly bullshit dialogue where you play every character? Nobody
knows what in the hell a Ghoul Skit is. The constant bong sounds and references to red bud are
going to alienate people. And there’s no good reason to have a character who’s a country-western
star and sounds suspiciously like Toby Keith.”
“We’ve sold albums in Iceland and Scotland,” said Szars. “We’re international superstars. The
real fans will figure it out. Besides, everyone in Cleveland knows who the Ghoul is.”
If you’re not from Cleveland, the Ghoul is a local TV icon who hosted late-night horror movies and
performed goofy skits between clips. Every town had one. But that’s where the whole “Ghoul Skit”
thing comes from. Anyway, you really don’t have to be from Cleveland to appreciate the disc, or
even identify with the Balomai Brothers. We’ve all wanted a gig that was out of our reach.
We’ve all played a show, had a job interview, or gone on a date that we think went OK -- then
we spend the next day basking in a fleeting sense of euphoria that gradually dissipates as we
wait for a call that never comes. And gravity pulls us back into a hopeless everyday routine.
But don’t let me ruin the ending for you.
Making the Ghoul Skit wasn’t easy for Szars. In the process, he was attacked by a bat. The guys
on the loading dock mocked him. He lost ten pounds during an all-weekend recording maraton. And,
technically, the other Balomai Brother left the group before the album even got started. But here it is.
“This here ain’t no playground,” says Szars. “This is a
Ghooooul Skit. This is our second album. We’ve played the
Phantasy. We’ve played Pat’s in the Flats — just like the
White Stripes. We’re Bon Jovi now. I’m the Hungarian
Bono. And I didn’t get where I am by writing a bunch of
fancy press releases. ”
Exactly. So give the guy a break? Please? And if not, please feel
free to quote the album, using what’s sure to be in the running for
the catch phrase of the year: “That guy’s an asshole!”
-- 30 -- t
<<<<< Kind words for the Balomai Brothers’ debut
.
..And advance praise for the Balomai Brothers’
“You Don’t Have to Like Us — You Can Just Suck Our Dicks”: A Ghoul
Skit, or Hungarian-American Idiot: A Junk Rock Opera
“A crazy, rollicking concept as the Balomai Brothers take
over the pop world and live the life of fame. Truly unique
and one not to miss.” — MusicGhost.com
“It made my wife sick. I had to turn that skank shit off.”
— Doug from the loading dock
“The CD’s good. The skits are funny, like on a crazy hip-hop
album or something. The voices are hilarious. And I
love the shots at the [Cleveland music/media establish-ment].
It’s absolutely true. The songs are cool too.”
— Wred Fright, leader of true-indie-rock squad Team Fright
THE BALOMAI BROTHERS LOVE YOU!!
WWW.BALOMAIBROTHERS.COM
M Y S PA C E .C O M /B A L O M A I B R O T H E R S
JUNK ROCK RECORDS/BALOMAI BROTHERS PRESS RELEASE PAGE TWO OF TWO return to home page